Disclaimer: Some words or phrases may be lost in translation. The word might not have a literal translation in English or there may be sayings in Korean culture that I am not familiar with.
(athanasiafrost)
In its own unique manner, it was a proposal that carried an air of desperation, enough to set my heart trembling. But at that moment, what was reflected on Johannes’ face was a puzzled expression of ‘Is that even possible?’ He released a light sigh and responded as if stating the obvious.
“I can’t give up ‘Blue Ruby’. At this point, I might as well cease being Johannes Noavik. I would appreciate it if you could contemplate this matter without such rigid principles.”
For Johannes, ‘Blue Ruby’ held a significance. In essence, it signified his unyielding pursuit, even at the risk of his own existence.
Whenever the topic of ‘Blue Ruby’ comes up, he would suddenly become as solid as a wall. And every time I felt like I was getting douse with cold water.
I harbored no ill will toward him, so is the order of the temple that important to him? Or is there another reason?
I probably won’t know why for the rest of my life. Even the Northerners, whom he trusted, remained ignorant of the roots of his fixation on ‘Blue Ruby.’
Once, while playing hide-and-seek with the children, I overheard the whispers of the maids.
“Why hasn’t the Duke shown his face in the North? Is ‘Blue Ruby’ truly that important?”
“I wonder. However, when I asked Miss Katie about it recently, she said that it’s a Northern tradition to leave only one individual in a castle for the sake of succession stability once Prince Leo was designated as the heir.”
“Brotherly… Was there such a tradition within familial bonds?”
“Well, it seems there isn’t much of an age gap between the two… Nonetheless, don’t you find it peculiar? Leaving the Northern territories vacant and journeying to the capital on his own after the birth of Leo?”
When I overheard that, I thought it was a relief that Leo wasn’t there at the time. Simultaneously, it confirmed that even the Northerners were ignorant of the rationale behind Johannes’ irrational fixation.
I shrugged my shoulders nonchalantly and responded to his firm declaration.
“But in truth, I have nothing more to say. I came because I genuinely liked the duke, Duke.”
“Is that so?”
He gazed at me for a moment before breaking into a smile. My confession, though met with skepticism by others, essentially marked the end of our negotiations.
“You mean even though I’ve put out all the cards I can use it had no effect?”
“Is there any strategy to employ when there’s nothing to gain?”
After consistently rejecting his advances, he nonchalantly raised his chin and calmly stated:
“Then you shall be kicked out.”
What? My eyes widened in astonishment at this unexpected decision I hadn’t even considered.
“Pardon?”
“There is nothing left for me to wager. Thus, negotiations have reached an end, have they not?”
“Duke!”
My shock was palpable. What could motivate such an extreme decision? I exclaimed, beating my chest in disbelief.
“You said you liked me!”
I felt a profound sense of betrayal. He had recently offered himself to me, seductively implying that he was mine, and now he was abruptly casting me aside.
“Surely you did!”
Seeing my baffled expression, Johannes responded plaintively.
“It was merely an attempt to sway you to my side. Without even that, you would have already been expelled without the opportunity for dialogue.”
It was incomprehensible. In all honesty, I hadn’t committed any wrongdoing at this point, and I had even risked my life to protect the duchy’s heir.
It seemed only humane to at least offer some form of acknowledgment at this juncture. I lifted my gaze and voiced my protest.
“I risked my life to save Leo. Are you truly planning to cast me out without any form of recognition?”
I glared at him openly, hoping to highlight my valor, but Johannes responded with an air of detachment, as if this were the core issue.
“…That’s precisely the problem. You consistently defy my expectations, from one to ten.”
In that fleeting moment, an unexpected kinship with Johannes welled up within me. Just as I had encountered individuals who defied my expectations, he now appeared as a kindred spirit, as though we were two sides of the same coin.
“My apologies for presuming I could predict your every move.”
His seemingly polite apology carried a subtle undercurrent of sarcasm. I began to respond but he continued.
“I misjudged you. You’re no mere pawn for a hapless spy awaiting capture. You are a figure of much greater significance. Take pride in that.”
His words, delivered in a cold yet composed tone, hung in the air. The man who had tenderly kissed my hair moments ago had vanished without a trace.
(athanasiafrost)
“Your actions consistently elude my predictions, and I’m not inclined to tolerate such an unpredictable factor in my life.”
Swiftly, I voiced my protest against his pronouncement. Yet, he had pointed out an undeniable truth.
“To cast aside a wife who still loves her husband for saving her son’s life! How preposterous!”
“That does sound rather peculiar.”
“Indeed, it does!”
As my emotions heightened, Johannes lowered his gaze, then abruptly drew me into his embrace.
“What! Let go! Let go!”
“Negotiations have crumbled, and further discussion serves no purpose.”
His tone was detached and chilly. The stark contrast between his demeanor when he spoke of becoming a good husband and now when he was casting me aside was disorienting. I struggled, but he tightened his hold around my waist, his lips curling into a sarcastic smile.
“My dearest wife, do you truly wish to part ways here, in this desolate valley?”
“… … .”
I wouldn’t allow this to happen again. My anger surged, but I ceased my struggles. In truth, with his decision to exile me, there was little I could do.
His actions defied my calculations, much like when he suddenly embarked on his journey to the North. I glared at him, and he raised an inquisitive eyebrow.
“Or should I accompany you back to the duchy and arrange a carriage for your journey back to the South?”
I barely held back the expletives that threatened to spill from my lips. Earlier, while he had sweetly proposed that I take him as my own, he now declared his intent to cast me aside. It was becoming clear that he was indeed the kind of person who could simply abandon me here and proceed alone.
Ultimately, I responded meekly,
“…First, we should make our way to the Duchy.”
“Your situational awareness is rather astute. It would indeed be a waste of your talents to stay here.”
In the end, I was silently enveloped in his embrace and mounted A-Day, who had approached us unnoticed. With my reluctant compliance, Johannes spoke in his usual composed tone.
“It may be nighttime, but we shall press on. Let us journey to the castle without delay. Farewells can be exchanged tomorrow.”
“Very well, let us proceed for now.”
I nodded with a heavy heart. I hadn’t intended to quietly accept my exile, but staying here any longer seemed futile.
“Everyone will be worried. Especially Leo… He waited eagerly for the Duke’s return.”
“Right.”
Even when Leo’s name was mentioned, Johannes remained impassive. The thought of Leo, who had been brimming with excitement since the departure of the retrieval party, waiting in the North without being able to properly express his longing for the Duke, ignited a sudden rage within me.
“That child, who matured so quickly, left alone in the North, unable to convey his longing for the Duke…”
But my words were abruptly interrupted by Johannes’ low voice.
“Eloise.”
“Yes?”
“Do you remember when you were eight years old?”
The question about being eight years old caught me off guard. What memories did I have of being eight?
I had been brought to ‘Ace’ when I was seven, and my recollection of events after that was hazy at best. My world had suddenly shifted, and all I could remember was an overwhelming sense of fear.
And as for the eight-year-old version of me at ‘Ace’… Nothing specific came to mind. Vague memories of the gloomy hideout and the dark forest path I had been led through were all that remained.
“Hmm… It’s a bit dim. I don’t have a clear recollection.”
I answered with a puzzled expression, prompting Johannes to speak slowly.
“I can’t recall my own experiences at eight either. No matter how hard I try, those memories remain elusive, blurred. Only a few intense events and my actions during that time are etched in my memory.”
Johannes seemed to be pinpointing the same sense of haziness I was experiencing. He continued in a soft tone.
“What’s important to Leo isn’t just the feeling of loneliness or longing; it’s the process of enduring and understanding that the North is his homeland.”
Every time he shared thoughts like these, I was left with a profound sense of bewilderment. Johannes could behave like a recluse, but it was evident that he concealed a vast depth within him.
This deep, unfathomable sea within him continued to intrigue me. For his own reasons, he had relentlessly pursued me even before his return, displaying a desperate need to clarify something.
“Why… .”
But with no knowledge of his past, I could only pose foolish questions. Johannes answered slowly.
“Because I believe that by inheriting this place and living here, the faint yet profound memories, the most significant ones, will sustain him. The faint sense of nostalgia he feels now will fade as he grows into an adult, much like you and me.”
His words were hard to grasp fully, but it was apparent that he had delved deeply into the memories of his eight-year-old self. It was like catching a fleeting glimpse of his existence in the dark and impenetrable sea of his past.
I stopped trying to say something. The words that couldn’t find their way out were replaced by our visible breaths in the cool night sky.
Johannes took hold of the reins and continued speaking.
“Moreover, it’s not just for people. Nights are long in the North, and morning arrives quickly. We should aim to reach the Duchy soon, so you can rest and tend to your ankle.”
Amidst his casual conversation, I detected a meaningful phrase. “Tending to my ankle” implied that he would provide me with some time before casting me out. Given Johannes’ personality as I had come to understand it, it seemed that he would allow me to stay in the Duchy until my ankle had healed.
While he could be blunt and cold at times, he also displayed a gentlemanly side when it mattered most. After all, hadn’t I risked my life to save Leo? It was evident that he would grant me at least the bare minimum of consideration.
And that small window of time would likely be enough to create a reason for me to remain. I had a strong feeling that something significant would transpire in the Duchy very soon, and I wouldn’t be expelled from it.
Alright, then. As long as he granted me this time, I wouldn’t be banished from the Duchy.
(athanasiafrost)
I admit that I have been inconsistent these past few weeks because I’m on vacation for 2 months so I’m enjoying it to the fullest. I will be flying back to Korea soon(hopefully buy some hardcopies of Ropan Novels) so updates will be irregular but I will try my best.
If you’d like to help me survive throughout the day, It’ll be greatly appreciated: https://www.buymeacoffee.com/athanasiafrost
Previous Next